Today, I am filled with guilt, embarrassment and frustration. It is a familiar place for me. I recently started a new job and had to call my boss at 6am to deliriously tell him I was “sick” and couldn’t make it in. By 9am, when I should have called my volunteer commitment to let them know the same, I was too overtaken by pain and hot flashes, followed by vomiting, diarrhea and extreme weakness and shivers.
I could barely walk to the next room to look for a heating pad, and putting it in the microwave seemed nearly impossible. For hours, I rolled around on the ground in so much pain, the only words I could say were, “God why?!”
Hours later, I am so confused about it. I barely know what just happened to me. Yet, I do–I just got my period. Is that what I am supposed to tell the supervisor of my volunteer position as to why I was a no-call, no-show? I feel so lonely.
I remember these feelings all too well, as my periods were always this way, save for the past year or so. I thought those painful experiences were over and that somehow my body must have changed over the years.
I just always figured it was normal and something I had to endure for a time in my life. I tried birth control pills, and they help somewhat, except that they make my mind spin 24/7. My choice had to be endure the pain once a month and be happy for 2-3 weeks, or be pain-free and completely crazy all the time.
I talked to a gynecologist recently, and she told me to try taking Tylenol a day before my period. Her reaction just enforced my idea that this must be normal.
Now, I guess my quest is to find health insurance so that I can seek out a gynecologist that will listen to me and take my pain seriously, and maybe finally have a diagnosis. Because although the physical pain is horrendous and disrupts my entire life, much emotional pain comes from this as well.
I am so grateful to have found this site, and it reminds me that I am never alone. I may feel so incredibly dark and hopeless sometimes–which is usually a result of hormones–but I know I am not hopeless. There is a purpose to my pain, even if it is only to help someone else through the same pain one day.
Hope
Pennsylvania
Submitted 09/27/2016
The informational content of this article is intended to convey a personal experience and, because every person’s experience is unique, should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional healthcare advice.
